Part 2: The Waiting
If you have not read it already, this is a sequel to “A Word”, my 3 part testimony. I am going to hop right in, so if there are things that I reference that are confusing…you may want to go back.
The timing of this blog is extremely late. I was disobedient and I am so sorry it took this long. But here we are…
After my mom gave me the word that I would go back to school, I didn’t do anything. I smiled, wide eyed, and said okay. I thought about it from time to time but was not eager to look for anything. School was the LAST thing on my mind. I continued to be diligent in the job that God had given me.
While working, I was approached by a volunteer at the clinic. She invited me to go on a mission trip to Honduras. I was so excited and begin to save money to accept her invitation. She was very organized and kept a tight schedule. I, however, did not save enough in time for the final date. She emailed asking would I still attend. I felt it all over me to be honest and let her know that I had not saved enough to go, and so that’s what I did. I emailed explaining that although I wanted to go, I did not save enough funds to pay the few installments on time. She called and laughed… she explained that it was a sponsorship and that all I would need to bring was clothes, familiar snacks, and spending money. I was OUTDONE. Yes y’all, I cried. All I have wanted my entire life (God placed it in me) was to go abroad, live abroad, learn abroad. I had never been out of the country on my own and now this opportunity absolutely free! (this was definitely international relational Lol) So I went to Honduras…see the Mission: Honduras blog to hear all about it.
SN: When you wait on God and he does a thing in your life, it is so much better than you could ever imagine. Jeremiah 29:11
Outdone by that experience, I begin to think that this is what I could do for a living. I loved my job and It was in service to people, but how could I do that job and be abroad. How could I make my Honduran experience consistent. I was still not thinking about school.
When I returned home, things begin to happen in my personal life at a very fast pace. God begin to work on me. Some people may assume that this is exciting (and it is). But if you know what it feels like to be pruned, and purged, or crushed (all of these referring to the purification of God) It is not easy.
John 15:2 “Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.”
Matthew 21:44 “And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.”
Malachi 3:3 “And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness.”
In August of 2019, my mom went through a testimony of her own, and witnessing it scared me into obedience (maybe we will invite her to share her testimony). So at this point of time in my life, I was instructed to separate myself. (I keep referring you to other blogs, because it will help get the full picture…Separation: Part 2). This took me MONTHS…and even after separating myself physically, I was not separated mentally for months more.
Going into 2020, I was angry, lonely, cried a LOT. Any little simple piece of instruction would make me mad. I was obedient and bitter. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. I didn’t want advice, I didn’t want to hear about anyone’s experience, I honestly just wanted to be left alone. I would also cry out to God a lot. Why was I so angry? and who was I angry with?! lol couldn’t be God! I was all over the place.
In this place of separation, I begin to hear God speak to me…CLEARLY and more often. It was nothing like I had ever experienced. I knew it was not me, it was not my mind…It was God.
So January of 2020 came and my family took a trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee. This was another blessing from God even in the middle of my bitterness. I told myself that if I was not working, I would need to find somewhere to go away. Little did I know… March 2020 was coming…and quickly.
Upon my return back from vacation, my supervisor called me into her office and asked me what I would do with a lobby full of 100+ people if a pandemic came. I laughed and said I don’t know. She told me to think about it (If you have not already noticed a pattern with me, If it stresses me out, I push it off). I chuckled, said okay…and returned to the lobby of 100 people to worry about the present.
Then came March. The world was turned upside down. When peoples lives were being put on hold, my work increased 5X over. I was stressed, overwhelmed, and trying to do my job within my own strength.
I was honestly grateful that there was no energy left in me to focus on my personal life…but I was in WAY OVER MY HEAD.
11-12 hour days, some longer… 5-6 days a week for a long time. Non-stop lines of people needing food, bare-minimum staff and volunteers, new processes and rules. My face and neck broke out all over. Stress had burned my face. My skin is one of the few things that I really like…so this was it for me. I broke down. Until this moment, even though God was providing me the strength…I didn’t see how I was going to keep going. I cried on my moms shoulder in church… and she held me and we prayed.
SN: God will always come to renew your strength. Every single time I come to the end of my rope, he gives me what I need.
I pressed, and what seemed to be a state of emergency became the norm. Months had gone by and although still urgent, around June the routine had become solidified. A few months later, I begin to feel a heavy unction that it was time for school.
Around August 2020, I began thinking about what school?, what degree? I started the conversation with people about what I should study. I knew I loved my job and I was interested in service. All of the advice led me towards Public Health. I applied to the Online MPH program at George Washington University. I was so excited. I was finally moving in faith in Gods will!
I was admitted in October! I was extremely excited! I was given a small scholarship, but God said he would pay so I was not worried. I begin taking classes while still working full-time. I LOVED the classes! My professors, everything was wonderful.
Shortly after my classes began, I was approached by my Auntie. She said Monica, I had a dream about you. She begin to go into the dream and its interpretation. “Monica, I believe you were facing the wrong way because you are in the wrong program…pray and seek God to see what he says”.
OHMMMYYYGOOOOSSSHH I done started school in THE WRONG program! I was like HOW AM I GOING TO FIX THIS. She said Monica, when we seek God and ask him to order our steps, he opens doors and moves in ways we could not imagine. You are His, and he will guide you. (NOW YOU KNOW I WAS NOT HEARING THAT!) I was traumatized. I thought I had made a mess. But truly, His Order is unfathomable.
Psalms 37:23 “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.”
Remember that mans wisdom is not the wisdom of God, and mans advice can lead you astray (even when it’s good intentioned).
1 Corinthians 1:25 “Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.”
We (Gods children) operate differently from the world. We don’t think carnally, so we must seek God FIRST, in all of our ways.
Romans 8:6 “For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”
Proverbs 3: 5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
What now?…
Stay tuned for Part 3: The fulfillment!!!